I haven’t been struggling at all

After reading that title you’re probably thinking “She’s delusional full of sh*t! or “Just who does she think she’s fooling?!”

But, it’s true. I’m not struggling and haven’t been for a while now.

From Merriam Webster:

strug·gle verb \ˈstrə-gəl\

Definition of STRUGGLE

intransitive verb
1: to make strenuous or violent efforts in the face of difficulties or opposition
2: to proceed with difficulty or with great effort

To struggle means one must be trying.

Proceeding.

Putting forth an effort.

Sadly, I’ve done none of that (as it relates to weightloss and/or fitness) for the past 3 months. I lost my mojo. My “give a damn” was busted, you could say. I did something completely out of character for me: I gave up.

How could I go from being so successful at this, losing pound after pound consistently for a year and achieving more goals than I ever thought possible to eating foods I’d sworn off in quantities that would make anyone cringe? Honestly, there are a myriad of reasons. I can’t pinpoint just one thing. My foot injury played a huge part in my decline. At first I just viewed it as a temporary setback. It would heal and I would get right back out there running again. Then November came and my foot still hurt. Then December came and my foot still hurt. Then January came and my foot still hurt. It was around then that I started to consider it a permanent injury and began accepting the fact that I would never run again. Which, as devastating as that was for me, I probably could have lived with that and not spiraled out of control had that been the only factor I was dealing with. Emotionally, I became very disconnected from my friends. It’s been [very] hard to watch all of them finish race after race when all I can do is either sit on the sidelines and cheer or post “Congratulations!” on Facebook. I’m so incredibly proud of each and every one of them, but it’s hard because I want to cross those finish lines with them! An analogy? Going to Disney World with all of your friends. They’re going on all the rides, meeting the characters and having a grand old time while you’re stuck on the bench the entire time. That’s what I’ve felt like for the past 6 months or so. Stuck. Then, of course what happens when you feel disconnected from your friends since you can’t do the *thing* that brought a lot of you together? You get depressed. And what happens when depression sets in? You start to eat more. And we all know what happens when you eat more and aren’t doing anything to burn those calories. Yep. I’ve gained weight. And what happens when you gain weight and feel like there’s nothing you can do about it? You eat more. And so I did. Vicious cycle, rinse and repeat.

So that’s where I’ve been the past few months. It’s so sad to me that I allowed myself to go back to old habits that I thought I had conquered…and a weight that I thought I’d never see again. What is that weight, you might ask? 224.

Eek. Take a look at my weight progress page and you’ll understand where that “eek” comes from!

So here I am. The same weight as I was in January of last year. Niiiiiiice.

BUT.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned since September 28, 2009 it’s that I’m strong and very much capable.

I’ve done this once, I can do it again.

And that’s exactly what I intend to do.

♥